Why?

Why am I here all the time? This will be the 71st entry- and counting.
It's so empty here. Can anybody hear me? Does anybody hear me...
I spill my thoughts, maybe because they don't get vocalized, possibly because people wouldn't
want to hear the same thing over and over again.
It makes me feel suffocated. Because I have to hear the same thing,
and worst of all, feel the same way.
I try to change it, and sometimes I am successful
but other times, like right now, I didn't win
Where are my friends?
Where is my normality?
Why aren't I that person I want to be,
have the life I want...?
I am ashamed that I want to change myself,
or that I think this way despite my better judgement.
Maybe I'll get it in college, or perheaps it isn't the environment but me
Like I am holding myself to myself, unwilling to change
but yearning for what's on the other side of the glass
I'm stuck in between cracks of society.
Do people look down on me
what do they see
what do they see

God, I wish I knew. I wish I wasn't so alone.