So... yeah

Sometimes it is just necessary to write a blog just because. Just because things are good. Just because things are okay. I think too often people like to meditate or focus their energy on the negative. It's destructive sometimes. So here's a blog dedicated to things being alright. I am really excited for this month, it's full of great things and oppurtunities.

I love (insert a noun: life, friends, boyfriend, God, dance, music etc. etc.)

Goodnight

Blah blah blah

When I write a lot, obviously I have a lot on my mind.
I'm just restless, and I get like this specifically when I am not staying busy
I've tried today, I went to the gym, wrote some music, wrote some blogs, rented some movies, blah blah blah
But I look forward to when I can hear from you.
I haven't (by haven't I meant barely) heard from you all day...
Do you know how much that sucks?
I know I must be crazy. But I miss you even when you're with me,
how am I suppossed to feel when I don't hear from you at all?
Like I said, I know I am being unreasonable.
I just want things to be easy. I want to see you everyday, and I can't.
I feel like a little kid who is selfish
It's just... AHHHHBLAKDJLFSKDJFJSLK

!!!

It's driving me crazy :(

It Isn't A Crime

To say that I miss you.
God, I miss you so much.
You've been busy, and it sucks
I wish I could spend more time with you
Because my mind is ahead of physicality
And there is a track set only and always on you
I think about you when I wake up, before I go to sleep, and in between
I'll even dream about you sometimes

I love you. And I want you with me.

But, I know it will get harder from here...

This Isn't A Game

Somebody told me today, "People have certain, you know, needs. That's why people cheat. You say you won't now, and I'm not saying you will, but you could very well find yourself in that circumstance."

That's what everybody says. To exagerate things, it's like second degree murder. Not premeditated. But at the cost of somebody's life, and the lives of others. After it's done, something vital is lost, be it trust or the well being of someone's heart.

It made me slightly upset that I was told this. Maybe this person doesn't know me enough to understand not to generalize me. But, I've yet to experience a "normal" path thus far.

I've been in love exactly three times. And am head over heels, I swear it, in love with my third (I could throw in the cliche "third times the charm" saying because I believe in him - and in us - wholeheartedly). I've never felt so strongly about someone. I've never been with someone intimately without seeing anything less than love behind their eyes. Because to look into someones eyes with a fire that burned for nothing but lust and sex is actually very cold. Call me old fashioned. Call me an extremist. Call me naive. I don't care. I just think I should be respected for being firm on my beliefs, and I'm sorry if I realize the weight it would be to cheat on someone. To break someones heart when they've given you a sacred part of themselves.

We aren't all programmed to just fuck fuck fuck. That's disgusting. So to any cheating boys who have meaningless sex - keep your dick inside your fucking pants before you decided to cheat on your girlfriend and make the next months of her life a living hell. Same goes to the girls, keep your legs closed for God's sake.

If you love someone, you should cherish them. Cheating just because you want pleasure is form of instant gratification, which as everyone should know, is what this generation is obsessed with. Loving someone is so special that it sickens me to ever think I could hurt Jeremy like that. I can't imagine how I would feel either.

Yep, this was a long one (no pun intended), but I had to rant. Goodnight

The Human Tendancy

The human body can be like a glass vial.
Certain things are flowing through
Some you can't control, and that's the human tendancy
To feel anger, resentment, jealousy, and bitterness
Something can automatically set it off
and you have to consciously and logically
supress those emotions.
And once you do, you sit back and ask yourself
how you let yourself become overcome by them
and the high is followed by guilt, and a twist of the heart
Everyone knows it, it's a familiar shadow

I hate that feeling. I want to scrub it from my system.
I don't want to be that person.
I know better.

I'm Not That Forgetful

A piece of me, embroidered with ruby, is tucked away inside my conscious
To look in the face of darkness, it makes the heart start to pump
and the blood start to burn
It makes the nails dig into the palm
It makes the child inside start to weep
It's like a match set to kerosine
Rising through my skin outwardly till there's no place left to burn
But fire doesn't cleanse, it blackens
And these rubies grow, jaggedly so
On the heart
Like a twisted armor made of thorns
One does not protect, but is masked by the title
The deepest cuts are from the inside
As I cling onto the delicate fabrics
Sanity in the wake of destruction
with a lover called despair and tragedy
Winding down the road
The most sorrowful lullaby is playing it's last progression
And the box is shut

From you, unto me, is the greatest misery

We're Here Again

At the same thought process, because, obviously, it is me who is writing. And my voice and tone will remain the same in all of these entries.

Here I am again, contemplating life ect. ect. ect. as I always do. Repititious sometimes, isn't it? Too bad that life isn't ever repititious, and that no two things can ever occur again. It isn't actually too bad, though, is it? It gives infinate amounts of things to think about.

Such as the wonderment that is attatched to another human being. What ARE they thinking?! As soon as we begin to realize that no two stories are ever identical, that is when the fascination sets in. People are united by a common bond, that in fact, isn't too common. Have you ever thought about that? For example, bond by a common love, or on the contrary, a common enemy. But when you break it down on a close scale, does anyone ever feel the same way?

As I explained to two people previously (which probably was what sparked this blog to begin with), it's like explaining a color to a blind person. You simply cannot. The only way you know is to see the color, much like emotions. The only way to describe the color red, or this case the feeling of love, is to see it, and in love's case, to feel it. There is no other way around it. And emotions, in which all are rooted from love, are what color the existence of life. That is to say that life wouldn't have a meaning without love, so I sincerely feel sorry for those who haven't been touched by it yet.

I don't mean, love from family or friends (don't get me wrong, that type of love is absolutely crucial to existance), but specifically the romantic love from your soul mate. The person you were meant to be with for the rest of your life. The person who is perfectly imperfect for you and you alone.

It's like breathing. And being reborn every single moment of your life.

How fantastic it is. And suddenly, we are back at square one where we feel everything is new.

And Honestly, who would've known

How should I put this? To say that my life resembles some sort of dramatic, cinematic story would be an understatement. Not even storywriters could make these moments better. No amount of oxygen could ease my breathe. And I didn't know what I was missing, until I found you.

I guess God is the best writer of them all. After all, stories should be based off of real life. And what a story we've been.

I don't want anyone else. I think I've hit the end of the road where I walk alone.

I love you Jeremy.

These photos used to be black and white

Sometimes, you can't help it. Something triggers your memory, nothing signficant, which makes everything more significant to you at the moment.

When I think back, and look back at the pictures I have with my old friends, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness. I know I'm supposed to be where I'm at now, I know that things happen for a reason. But I kind of miss what I had before I had a reason not to be friends with them in the first place.

Things can never be the same. We're all on different paths. But, we all used to be on the same one. "Friends stay side by side" is what we said. And now? What has happened to us

I didn't know how to end that last phrase, I don't know if it's a question, or a statement, or whatever.

I guess I'd like to revisit those memories. Even though I know I can't. Some days are the days you wish you can. And others, you focus on moving forward with your life. I'm moving forward, voluntarily or not.

For Everything

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

Follow Your Eyes Towards The Sunrise

Follow your eyes towards the sunrise
let the blindness clear your mind
Embers are exhaled through my breathe
and new fires to set and find
You are the glove to fit my hand
The sea inside the shell
This is the word that grips my tongue
And lips they long to tell

Follow the sound of thunder
For it's caged inside my chest
No strings of letters, sown across,
that one look cannot atest
Softly brush my fingers
on the grains upon your palm
This melody that's in your soul
my heart shall sing along