Sometimes, even the rain may cry

There are times when you cry because you need to. And you continue to cry because letting it out is the only way you'll feel right. Today, right now, is that kind of time.

I am insanely, head over heels, more than words could express, in love. This person is just as much a part of me just like my heart of my head, anything physical or attatched. I can't remove him. I can't be angry with him for more than five minutes. I need him.

I've fallen so deep that I'm crossing the line of being naive or stupid. I don't care. I'd rather be like this than be like pessimistic about love. I want to believe it. There's nothing wrong with believing that maybe the ocean is really on the other side of the seashell. That heaven awaits you after you die. That two people can fall in love young and spend the rest of their lives together. That dreams come true. Because they did, when he came into my life. And I will do what it takes to stay with him and live out the life I've always wanted.

This is our beginning. The beginning of the greatest love story: my own. My first hand experience of adventure and love that it is tangible. The kind that artists, poets, and authors write about in books and history pages. It's here. And I'm so happy it makes me cry.

He is so imperfectly perfect. Like God hand-crafted him just for me; how thankful I am to have him. I can't even describe it.

The Red Sun Rising

Goodmorning. I'm broadcasting to you from my 4th period of which I have absolutely nothing to do and could've very well slept in, instead of haul my ass out of bed 7 in the morning. 

Oh well... I am already here.

Today is my anniversary everyone. I don't really leave room for debate of what an anniversary should be considered, my anniversary is my anniversary as I see fit, and that's all that matters. Not by anyone's standards, just as I wouldn't impose mine unto yours.

I've been having talks, you know those "girl talks", obviously, with the girls. Exchanging what's been going on in our lives, dancer chats and going out to lunch. And it's been nice. I have always felt incredibly blessed, incredibly in bliss, and I know just how lucky I really am. Truly, if you have ever talked to me about what my take is on life, you might understand it a little more.

I don't mean to be cliche when I say things as I am about to say or have said before, but it's all about the love. I don't say this as I'm about to light up a joint or shrooms, I'm not about to 'take down the man!', man. But as a sound human who believes that is humanity's responsibility to keep the world revolving. Hope and love, passion and determination. This is what living and life is about.

My relationship with Jeremy is timeless. It's a very incredible thing. And again, not to sound cliche, but we really are unlike any other. Partially because no two humans are the same, partially because I believe it is rare. What you believe shall serve as your own truth. But, I won't get into that discussion today.

I don't know exactly what is going on in my life all the time. But, "never doubt that I love thee".

I love you. That, I'm sure of. 

Parte II

Written November 2, 2008

"Untitled"

Sometimes I wonder why when we're young we're naive enough to believe in the perfect fairytale love. We are seemingly fearless and unbreakable, when when it's too late, you realize you were wrong. And all of a sudden, you are on the other side. The side of the invisible wall with everyone you hoped to prove wrong, to realize then they were just like you. And then watching with a bitterness at those who try for the first time with the same conviction, then the same result. There doesn't seem to be any time to question whether your first love took all the wonder and excitement of the concept of love of youth. And if broken hearts ever fully recover what you thought had been lost. So with the new fall season, am I ready to try again? I hope so since the world is catching up with me. There are other broken hearts, two incomplete pieces just enough to make a whole. One heart, our heart. Maybe it's not so much that the world is catching up to me as I am catching up to the world that was always here. I can start to smile for someone again.

Cont.

Written February 2, 2009

"Dear Life,"


Here are my note-to-selfs and reminders:
-dear life, please don't screw me
-I hope college doesn't chew me up and spit me out
-I hope my dreams and aspirations aren't lost in the process
-I hope I never lose that part of myself, whatever that part may be
-I hope I stay true to my beliefs, and never betray my better judgement
-Please let me fall in love with someone who won't try to hurt me
-Please keep my best friends and family safe
-Please let my inner beauty outshine the out
-I want my best friends to be happy
-I want to be happy
-I pray that I become a better person
-I want to change someones life
-I want someone to epically change mine
-I want to make a list of 50 things I've never done, and accomplish them all
-Then maybe 100
-Then maybe more
-I want to have the option to run away, then go back home to the ones I love
-I want to build a home from nothing, my own home and heart
-I want the judgemental looks to just stop
-I want to finish writing a book
-I want to leave something to be remembered by
-I want my plans to go accordingly
-Then, I want to break them all
-I want to wake up the day I turn 80, reflect on my life, and cherish every moment I've spent on this Earth
-I want someone to look pass my mask and break me
-I want to learn Kung Fu
-Then flip over stuff, yeah
-I want to learn how to cook as good as my Dad
-I want to have the chance to tell my Dad in person how much I love him before I leave for college.
-I don't want people to ever think they are forgotten.
-I think about all these people everyday
-I wish I didn't wish I were someone else sometimes
-I wish I didn't drop my phone so much
-I wish my phone would break so I would get another one
-I wish I would shoot for the stars, and finally, finally catch one
-I wish I didn't have to see my best friend cry
-I wish hearts didn't hurt so much

Sincerely,Me

In The Olden Days

These are a few blogs I've written from awhile back. I didn't want to completely delete them, they (in my opinion, are quite good reads. But of course I think they're good if I've written them. Meaning my opinion is biased. I am actually enjoying this little commentary. But it seems I need to stop now) are quite good.

Written May 26, 2009

"The Right Thing To Say"

Quotes that I find very appealing and true:
** It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.-- Alex Karras

Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.-- Oscar Wilde

As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.-- Marian Anderson

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.-- George Bernard Shaw

Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.-- Oscar Wilde

** Being vulnerable doesn't have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.-- Sara Paddison

** I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.-- Robert Fulghum

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.-- Ralph Marston** Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about. -- Author Unknown ** The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive.-- Orlando A. Battista

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.-- Erica Jong

Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.-- Author UnknownIf I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.-- Author Unknown

** I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.-- Maya Angelou

Hello Sweetheart

Updates.

I am 18. In love. In bliss. In happiness. In thoughts. In laughter. In dreams. In aspirations. In art.

Inspired.

You inspire me.