Droplets

These droplets are falling in my head. All contradicting eachother. Sometimes I think I know the right thing to do, other times I don't know. I can be outgoing and funny, and the next day I feel like it's all a waste. I need something fresh; I want it constantly. And I know what that thing is and how impossible it is for me to have. I hate being in love sometimes, and the rest of the time, I only feel hope. But hope is a tricky thing. Hope in place of something that is absent. A promise in place of something I can't hold with my arms or touch with my fingers.

As sweet as memories are, they become duller as days go on. They aren't as clear and they lose details, precious precious details that once they are gone, you realize that you are sitting on your bed, writing a blog on how much you wish they were here. I don't know which side to cling onto. Feeling like I am hearing from him because of words that appear on my phone, hearing his voice on the other line, or seeing his face on the other end of a computer screen? Nothing changes the fact that he isn't here. And that I can't touch him or hold him like I want to. And when I realize these things, it makes me feel weak. Makes the droplets in my head pour down a storm. Because I am crying. I am in love but half my heart is missing, and thus is incomplete.

The twisted part is, I would rather love the ghost of you than nothing at all. And when you are here, my heart sings. It's all I can hold onto.