A PM Broadcast

I am broadcasting to you from my noon class which seems to me that I can periodically check in an check out mentally and do just fine, at least in the beginning of this semester. It gives me a lot of time to think, actually, and mentally vent. It may sounds weird or seem strange to be publicly announcing my thoughts when I am cautious to share every thought to my closest friends because, let's be honest, nobody wants to hear anybody's every thought. But here I feel a sort of silence, I could go on and on without judgement, even maybe, without my own as well. I feel as if so much has gone on this weekend, but in reality not that much happened. It just seems greater in my head, and therefore my mind has chewed and chewed on the idea until there isn't any flavor left in the memory. I've thought about every single angle, every single predicament, looking at things in a different light, and still I keep thinking about it. But no matter how much I think about it, it's not enough to change things. Sometimes I wish that we had an alternative life that I could live on with both choices instead of having to choose just one, if only to see the outcome of both or all decisions. But it's no surprise that life in that sense, is a gamble. Makes it more exciting. I think I had become too comfortable in it all, and I need that edge, that thrill, that excitement. Don't get me wrong, I am very content in my life right now, but I want more. I don't want just an average, okay life. I want one full and constantly flourishing. Is that selfish to ask or admirable? I haven't found an answer to that one just yet...